The First Reflection

I realized a few weeks ago that I’m never going to be a kid again. With schools in the area going back to school soon, I’m reminded of various things I did when I was a kid. Choosing a green folder for science, a red folder for social studies, and a blue folder for math (blue is 100% the math folder color, take your wrong opinions elsewhere) and taking these around with me for my addition and subtraction worksheets, my handouts on fossils, and a map of the United States. I’m reminded of the iPod Nano I had when I was a kid that my mom never let me bring to school, the first time I ever heard Skrillex, and my infatuation with FL Studio that still lives on to this day. I’m reminded of when I broke my leg in 4th grade. I’m reminded of getting punched in the face in 8th grade. I’m reminded of getting expelled from my middle school. I’m reminded of the people who I was friends with at the time, many of whom I haven’t spoken to in years.

I remember the music I listened to
I remember the music on the radio.
I remember the tv shows I briefly caught passing glimpses of as I never really invested in or enjoyed watching tv (and the fact that we had one tv in the whole house and it was in the basement and I didn’t grow up with the morning news on while I was getting ready for school ended up being extremely ironic, considering what I do for work).
I remember we watched Remember The Titans and King Fu Panda as a family on occasion (and that one time we even once watched Kung Fu Panda on the ceiling with a cheap projector I got from Amazon).
I remember playing lots of Minecraft on my mom’s laptop, sitting in a folding chair.
I remember the friends I had, the hangouts we’d have, the girls I had crushes on, and the people I looked up to and admired as people

Remembering all of this is odd. My life has changed a ton. I have a green folder sitting on the floor of the bedroom of my apartment with a list of music selections by number, a packet with the layout of the banks on the Ignite Katalyst board, and the agenda from the department meeting when it was announced to my department that I was going to learn to direct a newscast.

I can walk on that leg again, but the nerves never fully healed.
The only thing getting punched is the play button on Ignite.
I listen to more melodic music now.
I dropped out of college.
I’m reminded frequently that a lot of my childhood friends have moved to different places, done different things with their lives, or have decided that I’m not worth keeping up with

I made a playlist to commemorate the feeling that I’ll never listen to my favorite songs for the first time ever again.
I can’t ask my mom about girls and talk to her about my girl trouble anymore.
I don’t hang out with my friends very often.
I decided fairly recently that I’m not sure if I’ll date ever again (although I could definitely be convinced by one specific girl who I worked with at a grocery store when I was still in college).
And some of my idols turned out to be bad people.
My favorite movie is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
I watched a few episodes of Survivor for the first time back in June of 2024, after finding out it’s a CBS show a few months before that.
I built a computer for gaming that I hardly use because I’m so tired after a day at work.
The folding chair I used to sit on is sitting in the corner of my bedroom and I used it as a step stool to help me hang something up in my apartment recently

I still don’t watch the news. My green folder doesn’t have handouts on fossils in it anymore. And I’ll never be a kid ever again